I think I just need to vent and get all this out of myself. At least that way I can look at it and maybe come to some useful conclusion.

I am getting very depressed, very fast. I am pretty keen on what the problem is the big thing I have to find is the solution. I joined an rp [role playing game, for those who are unfamiliar] kind of on a whim. Previous to joining, I had thought rps and people who were in them had no lives and were, quite possibly, the creepy anime fans. I was coerced into joining by someone, she was cool, and I discovered I wasn't exactly correct in my previous assumption. Some rpers are cool. Some are not, just like anything else.

But what happened... ugh, I get ashamed just thinking about it. I started doing this crack 'auxilliary rp' with a buddy of mine... and I came to the conclusion that any and all of the original characters I have made over the years were all... well they are all shells, not fully developed people.

I always looked upon them in years prior as puppets that I could put in any situation or circumstance and mess around and entertain myself. They were my toys, my toys that I preferred to my actual physical amusments. I kept them secret all the time, never having a reason to share them with anyone, after all no one cares about anyone else's OCs, only their own.

I have always used my characters as outlets for my frustration, anger, what have you. Up until I joined the rp and people offered to let me play with my OCs... my OCs were fine just being whatever they needed to be for the moment, but then I started trying to make them concrete... that was my mistake, right there. RP is just for fun anyway, why should it matter? It doesn't....

Yes... yes I can still use them as stress relievers... they just aren't anything more than that... *sigh* k, better. Comment if you will, or don't.

Hello there, just me again...

I had always put aside songs in my head that I would put on a romance Soundtrack for everyone's favorite couple. I never thought much more than just enjoying it to myself but...anjichan inspired me...(here http://anjichan.livejournal.com/4663.html#cutid1)  so... here it is...

I included Lyrics I think pertain to Dee and Ryo's relationship, the building thereof, and the solidity of it after it was consummated. You may not like my choices or think I am on something... but... oh well. Here we go.

We got hit last night, apparently pretty badly. I don't have school at all today (woot!) but i still have things to do, I have to do the shit I didn't have time (or make time) for before.

I like how the world looks in an ice storm.Preserved in glass. Dangerous, treacherous even, but really really pretty death.

We had a Chinese New Year celebration last night. All the fluent Chinese Students and faculty (...because I obviously have dibs on how many there are total) most...some... a few...a handful came and sang and taught us some Chinese (which I have forgotten already, of course.) and wrote everyone's names in Chinese characters... We had a chopstick contest, you had to use sticks to move peanuts from point A to point B. Easy enough.... I totally owned this one, if I do say so myself. Several people wre good at it and several people had never handled chopsticks before.

I could say I am a fangirl and chose to learn chopsticks to feel more cultered or Asian. I will blame my brother though. My half brother is half Chinese. I am half Mexican, we both share a white mother and the older we get the whiter we look. Now these days it's a shock to anyone to hear we are minorities.

Anyway, a happy day to one and all.

*Poshu is watching the maintenance ladies break up the ice outside*

Obama is still so steely-eyed. I try not to look at him as a super hero, he is just a man doing a job. But still... he reminds me every day why I voted for him. He's a breath of fresh air.

I loved that speech today. This is the day we need to move forward and keep focused on what we are trying to do. Celebrating is nice... but it's over.

Perfect Mr. President. I look to you in awe.

***

My mom and her co-workers all wore pearls today as a salute to the new First Lady. I joked that maybe Michelle Obama wouldn't be wearing pearls today; and she wasn't she was wearing diamonds. I giggled.


I don't want to go to class, I want to watch the inauguration today... but alas, that is counter-productive.

I am proud of you Mr. President but I have to go to my Chemistry lab now.

I see this add for this roleplay. I have always looked down on roleplays a tad, I see them as being for people who have no life. Yet this one is slightly fun looking. Any character you want, all on airships like out of final fantasy...

I think I am not going to do this, I never liked being tied down to a club with time restrictions... just another responsibility. I seek to please anyone and everyone, that would be begging for dread toward the thing. Plus I think I am not quite savvy enough with lj to undertake that.

Yup, I think it's a no. Sure I need to join more clubs, but clubs with real people. Like on campus... as if Hall Councel and EHS weren't enough (they aren't really... is there anything on a college campus that isn't religion, sorority, drinking, or race related? Anything?)


By the way Regis, I adore this avatar!!!

Poll #1325571 Wishes again
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 0

Which wish would you like to see?

So these are the choices that won so I am going to narrow them down... or really you are... hopefully are.

I am requesting this for a fiction I am doing titled "What if?" and it is based on what you want. You go ahead and send any suggestions to me. 'What if Ryo got a dog and Dee was allergic? What if a rocket crashed on the precinct and no one had to work for a week?" that kind of thing.Poll #1325572 Wishes again
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 0

Which one would you like to see?

Whooh.


I have my Christmas cards done. We got grocery shopping done....

I had an anxiety attack in the store... not a big one, you couldn't tell if you were paying attention to your own things, which most people do in the grocery store (which is to my advantage) I feel drained and a little upset at myself. I haven't had one in a while... I feel trapped though sometimes in the store, I have things to get done in thee and cannot leave and I am therefore stuck with the people there... I see the same faces as I travel the aisles and it gives me the feeling I am being followed. I know this is not true... but logic has a certain weakness when it comes to anxiety.

 This is cool!

I am a seme... how... comforting.

I happened upon some fun text. I am going to play... with FAKE! Because it is easiest.
( This is really long for some reason... )

If this isn't the cutest damn thing I've ever seen in my life!

I'm on a puppy/dog kick right now. I've sped through German Shepherds, Shiba Inus, Dobermans, Pitt Bulls, you name it.

And now, Yorkies.

It's just a quiz though. How strange I always got fire before.

I was hoping for thunderclan or riverclan... I guess I am not nonchalant or slightly malicious enough.

I woke up and can't get back to sleep...phooey.

I like to think this is scarier than most think. It's not thought. Crunch time for finals, I think my Bio Lab might be beyond my reach... causing some grief for me.




Ahahaha! I know it is horribly late... it was fun though.

Lithium gave me a dead frog? I think that is...awesome computer-generated fun. Reminds me of when some guy in high school threw mice at me (true story!)

Control is the name of your game. You are a studied tactician and scientist and you seek a kingdom where things make sense, damn the morals, even if you have to create it. You are cold, calm and calculating.

Incubus/SuccubusDemonGhostCthulu SpawnVampireWerewolfWhich creature of the night are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz" /></div>

Poll #1306525 Wishes
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 0

If JJ were to wish for something it would be...

Last night I had a dream. Or more like this morning.

Anyway. I, and a few friends/peers were going to find a Hitler-like man, who was my father to tell him that my baby brother and his adore3d son had been attacked and severely wounded. This was a ruse that I had made up in order to win attention though. I was going to wimp out and leave (we were at the headquarters, which was a Super Wal-Mart. We found the soldiers in the clothing section, patroling) but I suddenly got a boost of energy and walked up to my father (who looked nothing like Hitler) and told him. he is, of course distressed and distraught. He is vengeful and angry. I immediately start t run away, my whole story changing.

I am now a victim of this man. A prisoner of war and perhaps a victim of sexual abuse/torture, as my dream-self is making up. (I was a catty bitch last night...) Anyway, I am fleeing this place and my friends, which I just invented, are next to me. As we exit the automatic doors I turn and run far into the nearly empty parking lot, bidding them goodbye. My focus switched and of course, they disappeared out of existence.

I am changing again, I am now my original character for FAKE, if anyone is familiar with the series. I am my character, Mischa, who is Dee and Ryo's daughter. Dee and some other officers are at this place to find me, since I am after all, a prisoner and presumed rape-victim. I run up to this vehicle, half armored van and half ambulance, the vehicle Dee and a fellow officer brought here. I open the passenger side door and hop in. Immediately they approach the car, leaving the scene having found nothing. The other officer (Who was Dave Chapelle) came to the passenger side, II assumed an unconscious pose. He sees me and calls Dee, Dee comes around and from my position I can only see feet. Dave's are at normal distance but Dee's are far apart, his legs are bent like he is crouching in surprise or shock.

He gets in the car anyway and puts me in the back so I can rest. We drive off. Suddenly it is daylight and the people in the vehicle (which has turned into a domestic car) have changed. Diana Spacey is now driving and I think Dave may have remained the same... I didn't pay attention to that person. Though he was familiar with my position as Dee and Ryo's daughter and Dee and Ryo's whole story. I started listening to music from a hand-held device I found in a bag, containing scraps of my things the police found at the Wal-Mart headquarters. I am nervous that if by listening to music I will be giving away the fact that I was not really attacked. No one suspects me though and begins to talk to me light heartedly. It is understood to me that Dee is driving in his car, ahead of us and that we are going to my/Dee's/Ryo's house.  Dee speeds ahead of us, I make a comment that 'My dad Ryo doesn't like to do fun stuff like that with me, but I always say 'it's okay b/c my dad will do them with me later'.

We arrive at my house, Dee is already out of his car. I take a moment to collect myself or finish up my song or something before I get out of the car. Ryo comes out of the house and for a moment my mind is my own. I think all my mental images of Ryo Maclean must be off b/c THAT is Ryo, and he totally does gel his hair back and wear flamboyant sweaters sometimes. He is more 'gay' than I have the courage to portray. I get out of the car and wait for him to notice me. He seems in a daze, I walk up to him, he is sitting on the porch. I go to him and he says something to the effect of 'hey Honey' or 'oh, sweetheart' and he embraces me. I don't usually feel things in my dreams but I felt his arms around me, I felt him... his hands, his arms, his chest... he gives good hugs too.

I left him and went inside the house. It looked different from my usual mental image. I smiled because I was home, I went down the hall, going to my room and then


I woke up.


I realize this is a dream about having control. But it was so... interesting.

I thought this up tonight and wrote it up and I am happy with it. Not always can an author or artist of any kind crank out something that is nearly done on the first try. I feel good.

Anyone seen that Guitar Hero World Tour game commercial with Heidi Klum? I think it's adorable.


( The What-If Game ch. 1 )

Yeah, sorry folks. I died for a little while there.

Here we go, FAKE fix for ye

This...is not behaving,

( Ragged Rainbows Ch.5 )

 

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I am so very tired, my muscles are just worn out. I went biking with friends again this weekend. It was very fun and exhilarating. But there was some old crone who was angry at us for passing her up, we called to her and warned her which side we were approaching on... I guess she doesn't like bikers on the path (this was at an arboretum, a place for dog walking, walking alone, biking, roller skating... you get it. Just no motors! Unless your a groundskeeper) That and on the ride home we passed this congregation arriving at church. Man, they walk out in front of you and let their kids run around like your not there. And then when they have to pull one of them out of the way they look at you like it's your fault...oh well.

I look at this and think it is very surprising and pleasing to think I just learned how to ride a bike this summer.

“Man, I wish she’d just hurry up and get here.” Dee grumbled, ducking behind the couch.

“She’ll be here any minute, and you’ve crouched for longer.” Ryo scolded with a whisper “Did you get the refreshments set out like I asked?”

“Yes, dear.” Dee was sarcastic. Ryo whapped him on the arm.

“C’mon Dee-sempai,” JJ grinned from behind the dining table “this is exciting!”

“You think twenty something balloons and snack food is exciting? Remind me never to take part in your kind of fun.” Dee was grinning too this time.

“Hey.” JJ frowned

“This is for her, guys.” Ted butted in “Let’s just be quiet and wait.”

“Thank you.” Ryo rolled his eyes.

“What exactly do we owe this lady again?” Dee asked

“Your entire sex life, Laytner.” Drake grunted, a smirk playing on his lips. “And she’s been merciful I hear, you’d better scream the loudest.”

JJ stifled a giggle.

“Bite me.” Dee grimaced

“I am rather excited to meet her, actually.” Ryo said

“What? You too??” Dee moaned

***

Elevator doors opened, three figures came out “Umm, what are we doing here again?”

“Just come on!” Lithium smiled, eyes full of excitement.

“It’ll be fun!” Poshu was practically bouncing.

“Um, alright, but can you at least tell me where I am?”

“Where do you think you are?”

“An apartment building.”

“Yes, but who’s?”

“Like I’m supposed to know that?” she was a little put out

“These doors don’t look familiar?”

“No, not really… wait…” she began to scrutinize the hallway and the view from the windows… The two pulling her down the hallway tugged her and planted her in front of a door.

“You know this one Lady?” Poshu seemed eager
“You ought to know this one.” Lithium smiled encouragingly. She looked a long time at the door. It was white with a smooth molding around the edges that continued down the hallway, lacing the floor’s edge. The walls outside were a light green, split between darker and lighter on either top or bottom of the walls. The door itself held three brass numbers ‘429’. The number meant very little, unless…

“It can’t be…no way” her voice was dead-pan

“Or maybe it is” Lithium smiled, Poshu simply grinned and motioned for her to go in.

She gripped the handle. “How did you get us here?”

“Oh that’s not of any great consequence.”

“Go on… go on!”

“(sigh) Alright. If this is a trick though…” she opened the apartment door slowly. “Hello?”

A crowd of men jumped up as she entered the room. “SURPRISE!!”


Happy Birthday Ladymynx. Hope this didn’t just make you, umm… irritated or something.

The premise is, Kita and I set up a surprise party with the guys of the 27th and we shanghaied you to Drake and JJ’s apartment, where it was held.